unexpected

  I was unexpectedly down these days. Actually something and someone makes me think bout the past again and I was so scare of ever losing someone important to me again. I didnt get enough sleep, I cant sleep well, I cant focus on things that I did. I think I'm gonna lose my job soon. I'm thinking of changing lines. What if I dont wanna work in a restaurant anymore? what if I dont wanna work in a kitchen or service crew anymore? what if i just wanna live a simple life and forget bout the past? what if I'm damn tired?

  Life is unfair, the world is unfair. I saw something that says :

"Life is too short.
Work as if it was your first day.
Forgive as soon as possible.
Love without boundaries...
Laugh without control
and never stop smiling."

I agreed that life is too short. we can never go back to the past. I missed someone, I wanna be with someone, I wanna hug someone, and I know that will never happen. I really dont know what other meaning I have so here I wish you all, Have a Nice Day....

I freaking swear

  My day begin in a wonderful morning where I kinda actually have a good mood to go to work and so on. There are lots of stuffs to be done and I didn't complain a bit, I was working and talking to Chai at the same time. We were like laughing and talking craps and so on and I  did my job properly with actual mood.

  Then here comes the part where someone just have to ruin your perfect day of life. "DEXTER!!! Lu Kong Kao Ah Boey!!!" it means 'dexter, you done speaking?' but its not a question, its actually a statement to like fuck you up your back. Who was he you ask? He is the so called "KIC" (Kitchen In charge) Ben Wong. I don't know his fucking full name and I don't give a shit.

  As if this is not enough, just now when we were spring cleaning. HE DID NOTHING TO HELP! all he did was change to his t-shirt and stand beside there hugging his fat stomach and nag. after awhile he disappear. What I did? I scrub the whole wall white again and also scrub all the shelf that they keep those pans and will leave those black stains. I was satisfied with the sparkling white wall and so on. Here is the thing, I use a water hos that I manage to get from the store room full of items. Seriously the store room like so damn small and they order like so damn much stocks untill it need to stack like higher than normal people and the water hos was like at the bottom left corner so imagine i have to take everything out and place everything back again. so after spring cleaning i was tired and I didnt plan to keep back the water hos in the storeroom so i just place it in the kitchen under one of those shelf NEATLY. and guess what, he ask me to keep it back in the store room. FINE I KEEP, so this time, I THROW everything out on the WET floor because service staff is like bleaching the floor and keep it back. and like that's not enough, he have to scan each and everything in the kitchen but he himself didnt do a damn thing. I keep a can of 7up revive drink in the fridge thinking i could drink tomorrow morning since i have to do opening again, but then he said i have to take it back. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??? its just a fucking can of drink and I cant keep it there for one night? fine, I dont wanna drink and i throw it away. go fuck your self. congratulations for ruin my good day you useless low life piece of shit. 

  Look, you are the KIC and if you dont wanna work then get lost I dont mind, I will do those jobs you dont wanna do. If you dont wanna help, Get lost I dont mind helping my self in fact I rather do my job my self than seeing you shit face. If you dont wanna talk then shut the fuck up. No one gives a shit and we are not robots so we need entertainment and he HAVE to talk. The only thing is, If you dont wanna do all those then dont fucking show your arrogance here. You dont need to keep picking and pushing on other people. We know you are the fucking KIC so go Kiss Your Fat ass somewhere else and dont bother us doing our jobs.

  Here is a warning, I've already been controlling my patience over you so please don't force my fist to do the talking cause I swear to god I will fucking send you to ICU if I lose my self. This is a promise I WILL DEFINITELY KEEP!!!

hate

  Right now i just felt like punching and breaking some things but unfortunately i've got nothing to break. Yeah i admit, my temper is going off badly, i've got less patients than i usually have and I dont know shit of what i am doing.

  I'm messed up, I dont know if i will ever loved again, I dont know if i can be loyal again, I dont know what the fuck am i suppose to do.
  I hate this cursed, I hate it when i really loved someone and i cant be with them, I hate it then I wanted to give everything to someone that loved me but i just cant give them enough, I hate it that all those people i loved eventually will leave me for someone else.
  Am i really that bad a person? am i really that second hand guy that could only be your part time lover? Am I really that useless that I couldn't love enough? what the fuck is love anyway?
  Fuck this shit, I hate all of this, I hate this feelings, I hate it when i suddenly missed you and then something in my mind tells me "she will never be yours so go fuck your self!!!"
I hate it when my mind tells me "You've fucked up yr life long time ago!"
I hate my love life
I hate my own life

I hate my work life
I hate my self for being so useless

I hate that i dont know shit of what happening
I hate everything...

I used to

I used to make fun of you when u did something wrong,
I used to make fun of you even when u are right,
I used to be there for you when you called me in the middle of the night,
I used to accompany you every night before you go to bed,
I used to say silly things to make you smile,
I used to DO silly things just to make you laugh,
I used to beat you in games just to hear you swear "WEI FUK YOU!!!",
I used to hug you when you cry,
I used to see you sleep like a pig,
I used to listen to your snores the whole night,
I used to kiss you good night,
I used to you kissing my forehead before you went out,
I used to you kissing me good night,
I used to see act like a kid,
I used to see you act like a barbarian,
I used to see you act like a princess,
I used to see you act so damn mature in front of my parents,
I used to think you are the one,
I used to think maybe you are not the one,
I used to think maybe there is someone better for you,
I used to think maybe I am just not right for you,
I used to think we are from different worlds,
I used to think we are not suitable for each other,
I used to...
I used to...
I used to...

Bad day turns good

  I was awake by the cramp on my stomach and i thought it was just a normal everyday toilet thingy. Then i was awake by it the second time and its only 7am and so i went again and then right before my alarm ring the pain woke me up again. My 1st reactions was like "WTF!!!" and then I remembered my work place and all the problems and so on then my reaction change from WTF to "Hell YEAH, I'm gonna get MC!"
  I went to the clinic near my house and registered my self. I went there a few times so in my experience the doctor would either be the old Indian guy, a young Malay or Chinese doctor that just graduated not long ago.
  Here is the best part, when they called out my name "Dexter! please go to that room" or something like that. Then when I open the door I expect to see those images of those doctors that are playing in my head but in stead I saw A YOUNG n HOT INDIAN DOCTOR!!! OMG!!!
I was actually stunned by the door for like a few seconds and then i manage out let out a soft "good morning doctor"
  She has a long straight black hair with some moisture on that looks as if she just came out from the shower, she wore a blue long sleeve body hugging t-shirt that shows off her curves and boobs, and black long jeans i think. I tell you I was Cured of my tummy pain right there and then she she replied "good morning" with she sweet smile attached to it.

hot doctor: so what can i do for you today?
me: I think i am starting to have diarrhea coz my stomach like cramp and i went to the toilet like 3 times since this morning already. (in my mind, you? do for me? urm... damn you are hot, can we go on a date?)
hot doctor: *super sweet smile* I see, did you ate anything unusual last night or just now?
me: Well, I went to manhattan fish market for dinner last night. (in my mind, the tuna wrap was awful... it sucks)
hot doctor: Yeah well they can be crappy at times.
me: (in my mind, WTF! did she just read my mind?)

  When i asked her for a MC and told her i was working in a kitchen, she smile as if she already know i wanted it and said "can i give you a time chit instead? you can go to work if you are feeling better later." and i was like "Oh, okey sure..."
  Well, I dont mind if I have that a time chit or a mc, I am not gonna waste my diarrhea sickness day going back to work. Why didnt she believe If i really am having diarrhea? is it that she used to tell that lies when she were younger? I know most people did.
   Nah... I dont mind... at least today is a good start of a bad day. I'm happy enough i get to stay home (or maybe go out with friends if i felt better later *evil grin*) and also meet a Hot Doctor! and my stomach is calling me again. bye bye

fuuuu...

  Have you even felt really excited that you wanna watch a movie but then each and every person you asked to join you kinda turn you down?
Well, today is my offday and i really wanna watch that Jet Li movie. Its out on cinemas 2 weeks ago i think. Its a remake of an old fashion swords play martial art thingy but then it turns out my friends are busy and some dont really wanna watch this kinda movie.
I'm ok with it, really... I dun blame them because they have their own plans or so...

 and so I stayed in my grandma's house the whole day and was lazy to do anything. Thats when my grandma suddenly come out with a question that I dont really know how to answer.

Grandma: Why did you come alone? Where is your girlfriend?
Me: I dont have any remember?
Grandma: what happen to the last one?
Me: *speechless
Grandma: Or that other one? or the one before? They dump you? or you dump them?
Me: Its the pass and I dont wanna talk bout it...
Grandma: *laughs and walk away...

The thing is, when i had a girlfriend I keep going out or finding spare time just to be with them. and because of this, my family will keep saying that i keep going out whole day and was never home and so and so and so bla bla bla...
But now that I'm single, I dont have anywhere to go, I dont have any plans, and I dont have anyone with me, they will start to ask questions here and there. My parents were like surprise that i stayed home they whole day.

  Well, i guess as long as I have animes, games, movies, books and a few bottle of beers then I'll be fine... I'm gonna go cook something to eat now, not hungry but just want to munch on something. You guys have fun right... See yah~

2 0 1 2

  Hell, I dun even know if people read my blog. I just post it as fun an as a diary of shit stuff that happens to me in my life. Maybe when i grow old and about to die i could read back all these things that is IF i can even pass this year...
  Well, U know that say world will end in 2012... I dun really care if it is true or not... I just wanna be with my soul mate when it happens (that is IF i have one).

  There was a new  part-timer in the kitchen today. We call him Leong or something like that. He's a nice fella and also hardworking i guess. We were like crapping and suddenly some pretty girls walk by and we were looking then Leong came and join in so i asked "are u single?" he answered "nop" then i said " then u dont have to look d mah! u already have someone... this is for us singles..." then there is one thing i never understand... Leong said he dont believe that I'm single... WTF!!! i really am single... and he said i am lying... omg... is it so hard to believe? even Jacky said if he dont know me he will think i am in a relationship!

  I was kinda sad... As people always told me, maybe i dun have what they called 'Love Fate' or whatever. On the countdown for 2012 i was still working and i fan out to the roadside just to stare at the fireworks and there was an imagine of me kissing my girlfriend and telling her happy new year in my head, too bad i dont know who she is...

  I admit, I felt kinda lonely that night. I spend 1.30 hours stuck in the traffic jam in my car and looking at all those couples in their bikes and cars beside. i notice that i was the only car without passengers. The traffic was so stuck but there is one small little Savvy that shake like mad and its all because there were 2 couples dancing in the car!!! haha... i laugh alone... its like funny watching they at that moment.

Well, tomorrow is my offday and i seriously dont have plans.Actually i wanted to go out for movies with someone and just talk crap but then I've kinda been rejected? i dont know. Some of my other friends were kinda busy so Guess I'll just go back to grandma's house and start working full shift the whole week again.

Happy  2 0 1 2!!! cheers...